This email below which will turn into a post and be shared out to a number of places was supposed to be sent out Monday February 18th, 2013.
Not sure what happened or why it didn't get sent out, but...well here it is and now's a good of time as any to share what I was feeling that day once we'd (Dad and myself) returned from his Oncology Appointment and found out the news that we didn't want to hear but had thought we'd prepared enough to hear.
Read along and perhaps you'll connect with what I was wanting to be sharing in this, that day. Doctor's don't generally say "crossing over" as some of us do. They're more cut & dry, to the point and simply say "You'll DIE" or "You'll be DEAD" or "You're life will end". Some should actually look deeper at this and tune their hearts to be more in resonance with the one they're pronouncing this to, to take into account their belief in what's coming next for them when they leave this physical time. One can only pray that shall happen one day.
My heart hurts now reading through this because I feel I have let my Dad and Mom down by not getting that website built, nor the $1 per twitter follower contribution. I am not sure how to remedy that at this time, but I pray that guidance will come my way to allow me to have some insight to truly make this work in such a way that it can benefit not only Mom, but allow me the freedom to help many others with their care because the system is not inexpensive, and finding great care for those who need it is truly expensive and taxing on emotions, health, and pocketbooks.
Anyway, thanks for reading this, and for sharing along with others, perhaps together we can make a difference in the lives of many with just a small contribution.
God bless you and all that you do in this lifetime. I appreciate you.
Monday, February 18th, 2013 - President's Day & Washington's Birthday
For many this day supposed to be better than others, started off great, nice sunrise, the normal sounds of things happening in the world, even catching a bit more of a comedy special that I'd dvr'd last evening there was some hope and promise as I went to pick up my Father from his residence to take him to his appointment with an Oncologist he's been seeing since it was discovered that he had melanoma.
You know, things just seem to run along a certain way in life and one never sees the wall coming, but when you go to a Doctor who has shared with you that a drug might be able to help extend life a bit, but not cure a disease and you get the results and they're not in favor of extending life, that brick wall leaps out of nowhere and SMACKS you right in the running lights and you stop and think..."DAMN!"
"We ran the tests we mentioned on the biopsied tissue from the lump on your head, and the drug was not able to break the melanoma as we had thought it might. We recommend that you seek out hospice care, and don't waste your time in any doctor's offices, but instead enjoy the times you have left with your family. By our estimates, you will not make it past the end of August of this year, but you could in fact die sooner than that."
HOLY SHIT! I sat there stunned. Even knowing that this news could be coming, knowing that these would be the words, to actually hear them and feel each of them as they fell onto my ear drums...surreal...oh yeah that's a good word for it.
"if I am so sick, how come I feel so god-damned good!"? Those were my Father's words to the Doctor. I'm sitting there thinking...Dad, you've had headaches's since you were in Vietnam 3 times during the height of that conflict, you've had heart surgery, you have shooting pain in your shoulder now, you've been falling down...oh yes you're feeling amazing, but the man has a sense of humor that does not quit, an amazing heart, and damnit I am pissed that the universe chose to deal this card to him after what he's been through and going through with Mom and her having Alzheimer's.
The Doctor was very frank and said "when melanoma learns to grow and it goes wherever it decides to go, one day you may feel wonderful, the next day...the world could crumble, we just don't know how else to put this, but eventually your body will begin to shutdown and you will die from this".
It's uncanny to think, in the time when my Dad had his heart surgery (mid-1970's), people did not live as long as he has without going back in for bypass surgery. He's outlived that statistic by MANY years. He's been shot and stabbed at multiple times by people during the war and he survived it, run over by his best man who was riding a PINK SUNBEAM motorcycle (not at the wedding, but later in life). He's been gored by a Brahma Bull when he was a kid and survived that. The man has been through pure hell and stood the test of time. He was nick-named "The Meanest Mother In The Valley" by his men in Vietnam. One who never stood for crap and yet one who would give you the shirt off his back and lie down in a puddle for a woman to walk across him to safely get to the other side of something if needed.
Now this crap eating away at him inside...it's just not fair. But then again who said life is right? We're energy before we choose to come here and back to energy we will one day return. All of us. There is no getting around that fact of life. We all come here and at some point we all move back to where we originated from. What's out there for us? Nobody really and truly knows that, that we know of. Some say they do, others say who knows, some say absolutely.
What do I believe you ask? I believe that there is a truly loving almighty being that had a plan when we were all created and that as part of that ongoing plan things evolve and life in this universe we'll all get to see things unfold and a lot of it from behind the proverbial curtain as I believe we're all part of a divine equation that we're never meant to know the rest of while we're here, but that we not only watch, but help to evolve it once we're back in the form of energy that we were before we came here.
Yes, I will sit silently while your head explodes thinking of what I was just thinking of. The mind does truly boggle.
And so now what do we do? Well we're not going to sit idly by and let time just waste away. Dad's got things he wants to do and see done and right now he feels fine so we're going with that. Research needs to be done and I am going to be by my Dad's side to support him all the way on this however he needs that support.
Heck of a way to start the week out...next up for me is to look into creating a foundation in his name and see about raising some money which can be used to help him, help my Mom in her time with her alzheimer's and when day comes that they're both no longer here in this world, that those monies can be used to help support others going through these types of things with their families.
Ideally, I'd love to find 1 million twitter followers to help this along by getting them to donate $1 through a website, so that Mom's care is taken care of forever. The benefits that will come to her when Dad passes will not be enough and eventually the money will run out and then what. I am not sure and it's something I struggle with as I've been tasked with the honor of seeing to her care when the time comes that Dad is no longer here. It's amazing to think what simply getting a million people can do financially. Just $1 of a donation. If everyone who had a million followers could encourage them to do that, those who have the means to donate that $1 can truly help change lives.
I'm not really sure when the end of this time here will come, but when it does, I am hopeful that God will bless me with Angels to support me and help me make sure that Mom is cared for and wants for nothing so long as she decides to stay in this lifetime.
I'm not really sure how to end this series of thoughts right now so I'll say that I am sitting here shaking, knowing my Dad has just be handed down a true death sentence and I believe in my heart of hearts that he's tired but yet still loves life and all that it is and where there's always been a solution to a problem or concern, now there's just a waiting game and although he's patient...he does not like to wait for things. However, in the end he'll say if I ask him "God's will be done Son. It always has been and always will be and I believe in that to my core, and I know you do too".
I really love my Dad so now, I'll just close this out and say a prayer for him in this day and time and hope beyond hopes that God will bless him on this new leg of the journey of life.
God bless you all who read this and should you be in a similar space, may your life be enlightened, and your hearts be touched by the love in this.